Mourning

Sunday was such a day of celebration as Tim and I enjoyed going to Ignite Chicago and worshiping with so many people. A man named Phil got on the stage and talked about his ministry (Phil's Friends). It is a wonderful Christian organization that ministers to people who are dealing with cancer and I immediately thought of Becky. I was thinking about having someone contact the organization to see if she wanted their support.

Unfortunately on Monday morning I received a phone call from my sister saying that Becky had passed away on Sunday night. This was such heartbreaking news especially for my sister who is the same age as Becky and has kids that are similar in age; they were also friends and enjoyed hanging out together.

Becky fought so hard so that she could spend the rest of her life with her daughters and her husband. She was such a fighter that she did not complain about the cancer and enjoyed every moment with her family. My words are so insufficient to describe how much she was loved by all that knew her. My heart breaks for her little girls who are only 2 & 4.

We felt Becky's generosity for us as she expressed her prayers when we were going through the loss of Virginia. We are heartbroken that Becky has now joined Virginia in heaven. I'm sure that Becky is holding Virginia up in heaven and loving on her for us. We will continue to lift up her family in our prayers.

Marker

This weekend we went to the cemetery because Virginia's headstone was placed this week. Even though we want her to be here on earth with us it means so much to me that the place where her body lays now has a marker. For a while we were not sure if we were able to be able to get a headstone and that just broke my heart. I wanted people to know that visited the cemetery that that was where my daughter was and that she was loved by her family and friends.

I think that I need to go to the cemetery soon without Josiah so that I can really mourn while I am there. It is pretty difficult to go with him because he is all over the place.

Here are a couple of pictures from the cemetery:

2 months--Halfway Point

July 3 marks 2 months since Virginia was delivered.

July 3 is also the halfway point in between when Virginia was delivered (5-3) and when she was due (9-3). It's kind of a hard position to be in. I'm thankful that we have made it this far but would also like to be past her due date.

Sufficient Grace

I found another wonderful resource on-line recently. It is called Sufficient Grace Ministries. This is an organization that provides comfort to families that have lost their child. I received a comfort bear in the mail and a Dreams of You binder to record our memories of my pregnancy, delivery and dreams for Virginia.



It also includes the founder of Sufficient Grace Ministries' story of the loss of her three children and wonderful Bible verses. I can't wait to fill out the information in there but I also know how hard it will be.

I find that when I have been thinking about Virginia a lot that it is harder for me to go to sleep and tonight is one of those nights. (I hope that if I am able to write down some of my thoughts that sleep would come easier)

It seems so much more real that she is not here when we are celebrating a specific event (birthday, vacation, etc). It reminds me so much of what we are missing.

I think of Virginia so much throughout the day. I see other people that are pregnant around the same time as us and I realize all that should be happening.

There are just so many emotions that surround the loss of my baby in utero. I think there is so much shock--even now after almost 2 months it sometimes feels unreal. There is so much sadness too as we reflect on what should have been. There is joy also as we remember the good memories before the diagnosis and those times too when Virginia would kick me. We also rejoice that she is perfect in heaven (although we would rather have her here). We also continue to be so thankful for the wonderful delivery and the medical professionals that supported us at E. Hospital. And of course there is the guilt--I wonder if we did enough for her, if we should have fought for a second opinion faster so that we could have known specifically what they were seeing, my reaction to the delivery, etc. The best emotion is the love that we continue to feel from family, friends and strangers.

It is my prayer for anyone that is suffering through a loss of whatever it may be that they would be able to be surrounded by a wonderful Christian community who can carry them through their trial.

Sadness and Joy

This weekend we have had a lot of joy but definitely some sadness. Tomorrow Josiah will turn two. I think that his birthday would have been so much easier for me if I was still pregnant with Virginia. I love the infant/baby stage and Josiah is definitely out of that (even though he is a fabulous cuddler).

While everyone was singing happy birthday to him I started to get teary eyed as I thought about how different this birthday was supposed to be for us. We were sooo looking forward to having Virginia and we miss her so much.

But we are thankful that we have been blessed with Josiah and he is such a wonderful little guy. He did such a great job today even though it's not his thing with so many people over. We love you Siah!!

Virginia's name in the sand

When we received the diagnosis on Virginia I looked all over the place for information on hydrops and cystic hygroma. So much of the information on the web is for medical professionals and loses so much of the baby that is in the womb. I was so happy to find a page on facebook that was dedicated strictly to hydrops (many of the women had babies with hygroma as well). It was so sad to read of their stories but it was a comfort to be able to read them as well and know what to expect.

A short time ago there was a post about the organization To Write Their Names in the Sand. This woman takes names of children that have passed away and draws their names on the sand in Mullalo Point in Western Australia. It is difficult to get your name submitted because the website is in such demand. Thankfully a wonderfully woman on the facebook page allowed us to collectively submit our babies names. The woman who drew Virginia's name in the sand did it multiple times because she was not satisfied with the result (we really appreciate the time that she took to do this) and I received a message today that Virginia's name has now been posted on the website. I wanted to share the link for the picture--it is absolutely beautiful and means so much to us!