The Haven Network

On Thursday we had the privilige of bringing up some donations to The Haven Network. The Haven Network is a perinatal hospice that helped us out soo much when we were pregnant with Virginia. They walked alongside of us after the diagnosis and continue to walk alongside of us even now.

We were soo thankful with the generous outpouring of support from our friends and family as they fulfilled soo many items off of The Haven Network's wish list.



This was most of the stuff that we brought up there. We are sending out an additional package next week of a couple more things.

We were finally able to meet with Cheri and Kathy from The Haven Network. They were so willing to drive out when we were in the hospital twice with Virginia but it was a 2 hour drive so we didn't want to do that to them so we had their support via phone. They are such wonderful women and know that they are such a blessing to the families that they interact with. As we talked with them they talked about some of the families that they work with and it just breaks your heart to hear of the suffering of these families--please keep these wonderful women in your prayers as they continue to minister to families in crisis.


Cheri, Josiah and Kathy

Josiah's gift in memory of his sister Virginia

We knew when we got the diagnosis regarding Virginia that whether she lived or whether she died that God would receive the glory. We know that Virginia's life is continuing to help other people and for that we are grateful!

April 21st

April 20th 2010--we were all watching television and the baby was very active and Josiah was touching my stomach and kissing my stomach and we were able to get a picture of it. Josiah liked to kiss my stomach but he was so fast that we were never able to get a picture of it. It was a wonderful night with so many great memories.

The next day I felt like something was different with the baby and went in to the dr. and there was no heartbeat--this is where it got to be so difficult for us. We went in to the hospital that night with all of our new plans on how the delivery would be. I had met two other women who also were pregnant with babies with hydrops and they were also in labor. Unfortunately, I was not able to deliver Virginia at this time even after spending 3 nights in the hospital.

These are some of the memories that have been replaying in my head at night while I work. It has been so painful for me--I wish that I could go back and feel her kicking. It is such an amazing experience to be pregnant and feel those movements of the baby within you. I wish too that I would not have been so concerned about my safety and would have pushed harder to have her delivered. I will always wonder if that she would have looked a little bit better.

Due Date

Today marks another sad day for our family as we remember what could have been. Our "rainbow" baby was due today. We thought for sure that when we found out that we were pregnant with this baby that God was giving us a special blessing--we found out that we were pregnant at the halfway point in between Virginia's delivery date and her due date. (This was also my grandpa's birthday and the baby's due date was close to my grandma's birthday). On August 2nd, just a short month later, I had a small issue and went to the dr. and they found that the baby had no heartbeat and must have just passed away. The devastation with this loss can't even be described with words. We were both terribly angry and hurt.

I think honestly that we have just shut down emotionally--we have been hit so hard this year with the loss of Virginia, the loss of the miscarried baby, the loss of Tim's job, etc. So many of our dreams just keep getting flushed down the toilet.

It seems that everyone else is pregnant, doing well financially, etc.

Daddy's Blog

Here is a link to Virginia's daddy's blog--he wrote a very good post about what we have been going through lately

Josiah's 1st Hospitalization

Our life has not been easy over the last nine months. We kind of thought that after the loss of Virginia and the miscarriage that life was going to just be kind of normal for a little while. Instead we seem to be slammed with one terrible thing after another.

I started working full time in January, which is something I would prefer not to do, in order to help make a little more money. We were going to be getting back on our feet financially until Tim came home one Friday afternoon in January and told me that he had lost his job. This was a major blow to our family.

Then, Josiah started to run a fever and had a horrible cough. We went to the dr. last Monday and she diagnosed him with RSV. On Wednesday he still had the fever (day 5) and was not eating or drinking much. We went in to the dr. again and he put him directly in the hospital. He was diagnosed with RSV, dehydration and pneumonia. This was soo hard for me to have my little guy in the hospital. He did such a great job with the iv, blood draws and the people coming in all of the time. (I must say that it was also hard to be at this hospital too because this is where we had our failed induction with Virginia. It was also eerie how we went in on a Wednesday with Virginia and Josiah and were discharged on Saturday with both of them-it was an almost identical 60 hours in the hospital). We were so thankful that Josiah was discharged on Saturday. I am still a little nervous having him home because he isn't eating or drinking as much as he should and his oxygen stats were only at 90 when he was discharged but ...

Virginia's 1st Birthday

We are doing something special for Virginia's 1st birthday and would love for you to check it out here.

Advocate

I've been thinking a lot about Virginia lately--it's crazy that a year ago we were so excited to be pregnant and a lot of those memories are coming back. As I reflect on her life and look back on my journal entries, I realize that I should have done more. I look back on all of my OB appointments with her and at EVERY appointment something went wrong. My first appt. with Dr. S. she had said that she did not need to do an u/s unless something was wrong--well, she did an u/s. The next couple of appointments, they had trouble finding the heartbeat at each one of them and usually ended up doing an ultrasound.

If I could go back to any time in my life I would go back to April 8, 2010 and have clarity of thought. April 8 was the day that we received the news that Virginia had no chance of survival. We had an hour long ultrasound (where we still had no idea that anything was seriously wrong). Afterwards we met with the genetic counselor. This is where I would love to go back to. I would have demanded that I speak with a Maternal Fetal OB. That person would have walked us through the ultrasound and showed us exactly what they were seeing with our baby. I would have requested the ultrasound pictures along with the ultrasound video. I would have asked for a second opinion with a OB who has specialized with this condition.

I feel like as a mother my greatest job is to be an advocate for my children and I know that I advocated for Virginia but I know that we were just so overwhelmed by all of this that we could have done things differently.

I wish too that I would have kept my care with a Maternal Fetal Physician as opposed to my OB. My greatest desire was to be able to hold my baby and touch her skin, count her fingers, her toes, etc. I was able to hold her but it was sooo hard to look at her body. I wasn't able to count her fingers or her toes. In fact, I didn't even look at her belly or her arms. I could not even differentiate between the different aspects of her face.