End of the year thoughts

Tonight should be an interesting night as our church, Orland Park CRC, always tolls a bell for each person that has died this year. I asked our pastor about a month ago if Virginia was going to be included or not because I wasn't sure but he said she would be. I looked in the bulletin already for the service tonight and her name is listed. How sad it is to see your baby's name listed as one who has died this year. This is the one service that I really wanted to go to (we have been going to a church closer to us) and then of course I get put in nursery, but I actually think it might be for the best because I am going to be in the nursery with another mom who has also lost a baby (in fact Virginia is buried next to her son) and I figure if I start bawling she will understand :)

I have a lot of emotions too because I am taking a huge step for our family. We have been struggling financially and I have been applying for jobs for a while and could not find anything. I decided to apply for a full time third shift job thinking that I would never get the job and of course I got it. It is going to save us a ton of money on health insurance in addition to the income. I am so thankful that I have been able to stay home with Josiah for 2 1/2 years but am also sad because I wonder if he will be our only child here on earth and don't want to miss anything. I also know though that hopefully this extra income will maybe allow us to be able to try again to have another baby. I believe that God opened this door for our family and that He will allow each of us to adjust accordingly.

This year has been one of the most difficult for me personally, which is saying a lot, but I know too that God has carried us through this incredibly difficult time. I'm so thankful that He has provided such wonderful family and friends to walk alongside of us in the trials of life.

I always like to end a post with a couple of pictures. These are a couple of things that we received for Christmas from family members. It meant so much to us that people remembered that we are still grieving the loss of our babies.

This is a little hard to photograph but it says, Our baby in heaven, Virginia Rae, May 3, 2010