April 21st

April 20th 2010--we were all watching television and the baby was very active and Josiah was touching my stomach and kissing my stomach and we were able to get a picture of it. Josiah liked to kiss my stomach but he was so fast that we were never able to get a picture of it. It was a wonderful night with so many great memories.

The next day I felt like something was different with the baby and went in to the dr. and there was no heartbeat--this is where it got to be so difficult for us. We went in to the hospital that night with all of our new plans on how the delivery would be. I had met two other women who also were pregnant with babies with hydrops and they were also in labor. Unfortunately, I was not able to deliver Virginia at this time even after spending 3 nights in the hospital.

These are some of the memories that have been replaying in my head at night while I work. It has been so painful for me--I wish that I could go back and feel her kicking. It is such an amazing experience to be pregnant and feel those movements of the baby within you. I wish too that I would not have been so concerned about my safety and would have pushed harder to have her delivered. I will always wonder if that she would have looked a little bit better.