Sunday, May 1, 2011

From Daddy May 1, 2010

Tim wrote this journal entry a year ago today and I read it and thought that it needed to be posted here:

I just keep telling myself there is a reason why God is putting us through all of this. So far, though, it seems a mystery. The last couple of weeks have certainly been a roller coaster. After riding an emotional high after the passing of our little angel and the lows associated with that news, we continued that ride into the hospital to deliver and the roller coaster was more or less shut down as we were sent home with the baby still inside Laura.

The past week has been very interesting as we changed our plans many times on how we would proceed next. I am so happy that we were able to come in to contact with Dr. N. and we will have another opportunity to give birth to our angel baby. I think it will bring us so much closure if we get to see our child, hold our child and love on our child. I will be taking another week off of work and the hope is that this leg of our journey will end over the course of that week. It will be extremely saddening for us to have to deal with the finality of everything but it will be instrumental in us finally beginning the healing process. Whatever that might be. Thanks be to God for blessing us with a Christian network of friends and family who continue to pray for us and encourage us. It was so hard last weekend feeling as though we had been defeated. SO many people praying and lifting us up and we felt like we let them down too. But we are confident that God's hand is in this and what happens next is His will. Though it is often difficult to accept that things are outside of our control, we are surrendering our will for His and praying that He will see us through even if it isn't always the way WE had planned it.

I never expected any of this to happen us but then I guess nobody does. We are not alone in this struggle--though it is terribly tragic, many others have experienced similar circumstances and continue to join with us in grieving but also in helping to move forward, helping us not to forget but also not to dwell. The best thing we can do is rejoice in the fact that our little angel is pefect and living an eternal life in Heavenly Glory.

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