Saturday, April 17, 2010

From Daddy

Dear little one,

It has been difficult to put my words on paper since we were told about your condition. Writing to you now makes this all so real and forces me to realize that you will probably never read these words.

The hardest thing is hearing the doctors tell us there is no hope for saving you, all the while knowing we serve and trust a God we know can perform miracles. We don't know if God has any plans for you here on earth but if He doesn't I know He has a far better life awaiting you in Heaven.

I wish I knew if you were a boy or a girl so that I could address you more specifically. It makes me so sad knowing that your little body is so swelled that we can't even make out your features. We love you just the same, you have been loved since the day we learned you were inside of Mommy and we will love you on the day you are born and forever after that.

I want nothing more than to be able to go into your mother's womb and save you. To somehow take away the conditions that are attacking your precious little body. But I can't and the doctors say they can't and it is SOO frustrating. I think about you so much. Sometimes it makes it so hard to sleep, other times I have a hard time concentrating at work. It makes me mad that I can't help you.

I wish that I could see your smile and look into your eyes, so new and full of life. Watch you learn to do so many things, all the while being loved so much by me, your mom and your brother. I long to watch you and Josiah play together. He is such a a sweet and caring little boy and I know he would be so good to you. He would just love you so much. It is probably fortunate that he doesn't really understand what is happening to you right now. But he will know you and he will experience our love for you, and in turn love you as well.

There are tons of people praying for you. Some are praying for your comfort. Some are praying for a miracle and that you will defy all odds. Mostly they are praying for mommy and me, that mommy would stay safe and that we will have the strength to make it through this, even when our fears make us weak. We have the peace of knowing that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are God's design and even if it doesn't make sense to us, He knows what He is doing.

Know that we cannot wait to meet you. We cannot wait to hold you and tell you how much we love you. You are a gift from God and we will treasure you.

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