I find that when I have been thinking about Virginia a lot that it is harder for me to go to sleep and tonight is one of those nights. (I hope that if I am able to write down some of my thoughts that sleep would come easier)
It seems so much more real that she is not here when we are celebrating a specific event (birthday, vacation, etc). It reminds me so much of what we are missing.
I think of Virginia so much throughout the day. I see other people that are pregnant around the same time as us and I realize all that should be happening.
There are just so many emotions that surround the loss of my baby in utero. I think there is so much shock--even now after almost 2 months it sometimes feels unreal. There is so much sadness too as we reflect on what should have been. There is joy also as we remember the good memories before the diagnosis and those times too when Virginia would kick me. We also rejoice that she is perfect in heaven (although we would rather have her here). We also continue to be so thankful for the wonderful delivery and the medical professionals that supported us at E. Hospital. And of course there is the guilt--I wonder if we did enough for her, if we should have fought for a second opinion faster so that we could have known specifically what they were seeing, my reaction to the delivery, etc. The best emotion is the love that we continue to feel from family, friends and strangers.
It is my prayer for anyone that is suffering through a loss of whatever it may be that they would be able to be surrounded by a wonderful Christian community who can carry them through their trial.
5 years ago