Jealousy

I'm going to be brutally honest here if there is anyone reading this blog...

I remember reading of a mother who had a child who had been given a terminal diagnosis for her baby. They decided that they should terminate the pregnancy. They were able to hold their baby and enjoy their baby.

I am so jealous! I still would not have ended Virginia's life but I wish things would have been different. I wish that I could have held her and seen her little fingers and toes. I wish that her eyes, nose and mouth would have been easily identifiable. I wish that I could have had footprint and handprint molds. I wish that I could have beautiful pictures of her. I wish that our family could have seen her and commented on how beautiful she was. I wish that Josiah would have been able to see her and that we could have had pictures of the two of them.

I wonder too if I would have had an OB who was more aggressive with the Cytotec induction if Virginia's appearance would have looked better. I firmly believe that the ten days that she was inside of me and was not alive made her little body deteriorate so quickly. It just makes me so sad because I was able to identify when she passed away and then I could not get her out of my body :(