Tim worked so hard today to make a good day for me. He let me sleep in this morning and he got up with Josiah. He made me breakfast and had a wonderful present to me which included a handmade card from Josiah.
Unfortunately, I had a really rough day today. This morning I had a dream about the baby--that she was in the casket and was alive--a wonderful thing of course but not so wonderful when you wake up and it isn't true. I spent a large portion of the morning with tears running down my face. We were planning on going to church and then going to the cemetery but decided that would be too much for me.
We had a really nice lunch together and then got some flowers for Virginia's grave. We just wanted some pretty flowers to put on her grave so hopefully we will be able to put those there this week. Tim and I enjoyed playing with Josiah outside today too. It was so fun to play baseball with him and help him "run the bases"--his giggle is just priceless.
Tonight he woke up crying and while I was rocking him back to sleep I started to reflect on how our lives have been turned upside down in the last month. I should be still pregnant and feeling the baby move inside of me. I should be wearing maternity clothes instead of being back to the regular clothes. I should still be taking my pre-natal vitamins instead of not caring too much about what I am eating or drinking. We should be talking about what we are going to name the baby.
4 years ago